How ridiculous is that statement? Shouldn't I start a workout program with a positive, healthy image of myself? Wouldn't it make more sense for me to feel good about who I am so I have strength to face the testosterone filled weight room in my gym? Frankly, shouldn't I already consider myself a goddess? And you know what? I think I already do to be honest.
I'm not a size 6, hell I'm not even a size 12. My clothing ranges from a size 14 to 16 depending on the day (or rather the week leading up to that day). And though I have moments of self-doubt, self-loathing, and every other kind of self-depreciating emotion, I kind of think I'm beautiful. In fact, if we were to compare myself to any of the ancient goddesses I'd be right up there with Athena, Venus, Freya, Aphrodite, etc., etc. Yes, I am curvy but I think I look pretty good. And as I get more fit I believe others are coming around to my way of thinking.
But to get back to the weight lifting book I'm reading that is touting the "Lift Like a Man..." line. It's called The New Rules of Weight Lifting for Women and it seems okay. I'm not one to run out and try every diet. AH! Actually, I find the thought of any diet (restrictive diet that is) kind of silly. If I was to cut out every carb or sugar from my daily life forever I would be so nasty that my friends would hold me down and force feed me a slice of white bread within a week. This kind of lifestyle is not for me...I know it isn't so why would I try if I know I'm going to fail.
Alright, I know someone out there is saying "well with that defeatist attitude why do anything at all.: well Mr. or Mrs. Smartypants if you care to read on I'm actually looking for a way to find balance in my life. I'm not a junk food freak and I can't remember the last time I went through a drive-through--not my thing. But every so often, and probably too often, I binge. I'm a binger. I'm not a purger though and that, in my mind, means I only have to fight half that battle. If I binged and purged then there are bigger issues. At least this way I only have to tackle one of the two issues.
The next rational question is then, why do I binge? I had a great childhood and my family loves me. I wasn't abused, or forgotten, or neglected. I have many friends who love me and would drop everything to help me (this speaks to quality of life which we'll talk about another time). So what is the root of this evil? Easy, peasy...I'm alone and bored. I'm a bored eater. I graze when I am home alone with nothing to do.
Okay, I've identified the cause, now fix it! Not so easy but this blog is part of my strategy...so too is canceling my cable (this option also helps solve my financial problem...again, probably a topic for a future blog). I'm taking little steps to keep my mind and my hands busy in the evenings. All I can do is one thing at a time and hopefully I'll find something that works.
Bugger...I just realized I went on some sort of defensive rant and didn't talk about the weight lifting book I mentioned earlier. Perhaps I'll safe that for tomorrow night...
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